I have had one of the best summers. There have been no holidays, no fancy day trips, no money spent on cinema trips or leisure centres or amusement parks...but it has been the best.
My girl has been my girl again. All summer. A glorious 6 weeks of giggling and playing, reading and creating, cuddles and holding hands, chatting and adventuring.
Last week I could not shake the lump in my chest that would rise to my throat every time i thought about her starting school full time. Full time! That feeling that you may errupt into embarrasing mum crying at the school gate because you aren't mentally dancing in your head at the thought that you have finally got rid of them...
Over the past 6 weeks I have witnessed my little girl grow, and really truly noticed it. From her height to her behaviour, her development and her glowing personality. The past six weeks have changed her. Of course all the wonderful things that I see in her now were already there to begin with but somehow the summer has given them time to shine and embellished them with extra layers and insight into her little world.
So it was with a heavy heart that I prepped her for school. Shoes purchased and oversized P.E kit packed I put my excited girl to bed on monday night and tiptoed out of her room listening to her breathing out heavy exhausted sighs bourne from weeks of play. I read once the hardest part of parenting is the constant stepping back and letting go. However much i wish to stiffle my little ones and hold them close and never let them change from how they are at just this very second I know I simply can't.
Tuesday morning arrived and I did myself proud. I sucked it up and got excited with her. For her. We stood in the playground were we stood last year (as a nursery child who didn't need uniform and definately hung on to mummy for longer) and I watched as I she bounded up to the door to be first one in with a cry of 'byeeeee mum! see you later alligator!' not waiting for my reply. My girl. my happy, confident, kind, eager, sociable, and sometimes a little bit loud(!) girl.
At the end of every day I wait with bated breath for her to run out and still be the same girl who went in. Not becasue I want to stifle her but becasue I don't want her beautiful personality to change. I don't want her to be picked on, I don't want her to pick on others. I don't want her to be hurt be others comments. I don't want her to learn the power of her words to be negative. I don't want her to be sad or lonely or frightened and I certainly want her to be the one who makes others feel he opposite of all those things. I want the innocence of youth to stay. Just a little while longer.
Look what I just found on Brain Pickings! I'm in love with it!
I implore you to head over to the article here and read all about it! Definately on the never ending wishlist.
"If at any time you find it necessary to correct your brother, do not correct him with mud — never, on any account, throw mud at him, because it will spoil his clothes. It is better to scald him a little, for then you obtain desirable results. You secure his immediate attention to the lessons you are inculcating, and at the same time your hot water will have a tendency to move impurities from his person, and possibly the skin, in spots".
Nooooooooo that's the toilet! 'wha?!' No T. NO. Don't put your hands in it. 'whaaaaaa mama?'
A's confused about religion since we did a tour of Liverpool Cathedrals...
'Mummy? Daddy has been Jesus'd hasn't he?' He's been christened sweetheart. 'I know. That's what I said, he's been Jesus'd'
'What's a Jesus again? Can I be a Jesus?' Not unless your the prophet in disguise little Miss A!
'Mummy? people don't die do they?! (laughing hyseterically whilst she is asking the question)
Oh god. oh god. I'm going to crush her. 'well darling, everything that is alive has to die but it's nothing to worry about, it is just something that happens'
'Ok. where do we go then?!'
Seriously you are 4, how are you asking these questions already?
Big breath-long garbled answer.
'Can I have a frozen yoghurt now?'
*gasp* 'why is the living room a sea of white wet cloths?!'
'It wasn't me, it was Baby T, he's emptied all the packs of wipes!'
'Don't snitch A!'
'Did you eat the rest of the cake?' 'Noooooooooooo! I neverrrrrrrrr.'
Ive been missing for a while now. and not just on the social media scene. so apologies for the length of this post...
I'm not really even sure when it happened. Sometime between getting married and Baby T being born as a broad guess. It wasn't the getting married that did it (we had already been together 8 years)...if i want to be honest with myself it was somewhere between finding out I was pregnant and Baby T arriving. It sounds so awful to even whisper aloud, nevermind type.
I was not, we were not, expecting another little person at all. It was quite the shock. Two weeks prior to the discovery I had been told I had PCOS so we put future little people on the back burner. We had just gotten married, A was at a beautiful age and I was starting to think about what I wanted to do with my life once she started school. Then *Bham* it all changed.
I was never disappointed to be pregnant, I was just dumbfounded. I couldn't fathom how I had gone from 'full of cysts' to very much pregnant. I don't think I really believed it until the 12 week scan and even then I attended it shaking and petrified that they wouldn't find a baby but something else. Something else wrong much worse than cysts (I had years of problems since A was born).
I am still trying to get back into the swing of blogging at the minute. There just doesn't seem to be enough time in the day and only having access to a laptop at night means I'm often left cursing after it's taken me 30 minutes to type a meagre amount of words!
Regardless, here is this weeks 'Ordinary Moment'...
During a trip out in the car yesterday, A decided she wanted to listen to our 'wedding song' and we happily obliged her and put it on. Whilst she was singing away in the back I turned around in time to catch this little man dancing away with his bunny. And when I say dancing with, I really mean making his bunny dance!
I love how he is really starting to understand everything. If we are playing hide and seek and ask 'where is daddy?' he will take us to him. 'Bath time Baby T!' results in him running from whatever position he is in into the bathroom to launch his hand under the cold tap. And of course he thinks he is the little comedian of the family, forever being cheeky well beyond his 14 months...
We have exactly two weeks left of the summer holidays and I cannot believe how quickly it has flown by. A will be starting full time in September and as she has already been in the nursery for 15 hours a week it won't be too much of a big thing for her. She knows her teachers and she has her little friends and she is very, very settled in her surroundings. I, however, was not prepared for how I would feel during our six weeks together.